I once read that your twenties are the time to solidify health and fitness routines to give yourself the best chance to to keep up with them as the demands of life increase. As I evaluate the impact of choices and responsibilities on my mind and body, I recognize the importance of this advice. For the last 6-8 months, I’ve shown up at the gym about 75% of scheduled days. Of that 75%, my workouts were productive 50% of the time. In other words, I’m working out 40% of the time, compared to before I allowed the stress of my work environment to seep into time and energy reserved for the gym. Relative to expectations of what I’d achieve with 40% time investment, I’m in decent shape. However, this isn’t where I hope to be. This speaks to the importance of that advice.
I didn’t go from 100% to 40% ‘investment’ overnight. At first, I missed one or two workouts to meet a deadline. That’s unexplainable. I continued to let the stress of the next few deadlines get to me. I warned myself that this can’t become a pattern, and genuinely did my best to continue showing up at the gym, even as I became increasingly more exhausted from the demands of the day. Some days I cried on the floor and went home; Other days I got through a few sets before breaking down into tears. With each day, I became increasingly frustrated with myself for my inability to perform. No matter how much I wanted to perform, I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally blocked, but didn’t know why or how I could fix it.
I refused to give up on myself, because that meant letting them win. This helped on days that I was particularly angry at a tangible outcome, or made sure to eat beforehand - even if food was the last thing I wanted. In Boston, I made a point to prioritize the gym. I gained momentum for that month, even while studying for a stressful exam. I resolved that things would be different when I returned to Seattle. I did my best to establish a routine. I tried several different approaches to remain calm before, during, and after the work day such as regular sessions of painting, reading, and/or walking to calm my nervous system. I found the most success with sports such as squash or volleyball, but this was limited, and required overhead time investment. I fully expect that there will always be tough days. However, taking care of myself should never feel like that much of a battle, especially for my place in life.
Outside of the gym, I noticed differences in my physical and mental health such as ruminating thoughts, distended stomach, extreme difficulty concentrating, constant state of panic, inability to breathe, extreme hunger regardless of what I eat, poor sleep quality, etc. When I asked for advice, most everyone said that my reactions were within my control. I believed them. I received feedback on my immaturity, lack of experience, and emotional control almost daily. As the loop continued, I grew more frustrated with myself and others, and my reactions worsened. Oddly enough, underneath it all, I realized how much I appreciate the life that I’ve built for myself. For the rare and brief moments that I could bring my head above water, I felt happiness.
I told myself that conditions would improve as I accomplished the heaviest items on my to-do list, both personally and professionally. When working against a particularly high-stakes personal goal with a tight deadline, my friends and family complimented me on how calm I was. A stranger even stopped me on the street to compliment my “energy” on the way to the gym. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. This experience led me to re-evaluate factors within my control, and seek out my next professional opportunity. I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who played a role in my professional development and learning over the last two years. I’d still do 75% of it over again. I’ve had so many opportunities that I don’t know how to begin to capture that on a resume.
As life’s responsibilities increase, there will always be a high-stakes deadline. Andrew Huberman mentions that the only difference between tennis pros who are consistently in the Top 5 in the world vs the Top 100 are those who learn how to take a breath between each point to calm their heart rate and prepare for the next point. I remind myself of this daily. Back in my own tennis days, my coach explained that the wind affects everyone: those who learn to work with it can use the wind to their advantage, even against players who are more experienced. I turned my weakness in technical skills into one of my greatest assets, and I hope to turn my ability to manage and thrive under stress into another strength. Other research finds that we can use short bursts of stress (adrenaline) to our advantage by shifting our mindset to focus on its positive effects such as increased alertness and enhanced focus, provided that we develop strategies to return cortisol levels to baseline after each burst. The people who subscribe to the benefit stress are the ones who harness its power. Those who view stress as purely negative are more susceptible to the negative effects. I’ve also read, and learned first-hand, that the brain mirrors the bodies as much as the body mirrors the brain. For example, fidgeting sends a signal to the brain that we are anxious, which makes us anxious, and we continue to fidget. I’d encourage you to test it yourself and let me know what you think. In the mean-time, I’ll be putting my life back together – slowly but surely :)
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